There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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