Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
