Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
