OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
