If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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