im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
