Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
