I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You don't make any sense
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