did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
