my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
