Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He? As in you personified your dick?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
