i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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