I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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