how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I am naked and annoyed.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
