I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
