Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
