I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
