Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
