It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
