So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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