i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
