My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
