put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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