Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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