My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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