I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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