Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
