My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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