she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
