No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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