The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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