There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
