The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
