i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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