thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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