so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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