tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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