I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
