I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
