Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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