I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
