She's JV to your varsity
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
