we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize