we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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