I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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