i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He passed out mid-signature
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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