is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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