kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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