Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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