Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
