Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize