Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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