Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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