apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
