If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize