How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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