Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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