All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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