he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
