how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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