she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
