I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
