Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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