i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
