So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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