Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
