seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
