How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
